


1:34 AM

by whomsteveritmayconcern



Series: One-Shot Anxiety Drabbles [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dull Panic, Experimental Style, Gen, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Hajime has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, How Do I Tag, Insomnia, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, Night Terrors, Self-Loathing, Spiraling, Stream of Consciousness, personal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 14:15:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16724973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whomsteveritmayconcern/pseuds/whomsteveritmayconcern
Summary: Hajime can't sleep again, and his thoughts get the better of him.





	1:34 AM

**Author's Note:**

> Oh look its another one-shot of hajime with anxiety because I'm the only one who writes them apparently? I mainly write these because I need them, personally. I hope someone else enjoys these somewhere.

The clock on his bedside table blinked, shifting from one moment to the next. 

 _1:34 AM,_ it read.

Hajime was no stranger to lack of sleep. Insomnia was par for the course on nights like these. His chest ached with the pressure of every inhale and exhale. The darkness of his room seemed thick and oppressive. He was alone, with his thoughts, unfortunately.

Things weren't normally like this anymore. He had friends now. Things were better than they used to be, but nevertheless, nights like this where he would wake up in a cold sweat or never go to sleep at all persisted. Melatonin supplements had worked to help him sleep at first, but had lost their potency over time.

Maybe it would just be better to ride this episode out. All he needed to do was distract himself, right? It was a pity he'd left his laptop in the other room.

 _Think about something happy_ , he thought, focusing on his breathing.  _Things that I like. Orange Juice. Buzzfeed Unsolved. My friends._

 _Friends._ His throat tightened.

_Why do I deserve friends?_

He didn't deserve any of them. What made him special, or interesting?

_Nothing. I don't deserve any of them. They just don't know who I am, and once they do, they'll leave._

_What's the point of any of this anyways? Why should we even have friends? Why do we need to calm down?_ a small voice in the back of his head seemed to say.  _We're small, so very small in this universe. Nothing we do matters, or ever will. Everyone will leave us, and we'll die alone._

Hajime closed his eyes.  _No._ His thoughts were simply getting away from him, like they had so many times before. He wasn't going to let it happen again.

_What about love then?_

Hajime recoiled from the unpleasant thought.

Love didn't matter to him. He was a high-schooler, and relationships between people his age rarely lasted.

_But is that really why you don't want to think about it?_

Mental images of a lanky-limbed, grey-eyed boy with features that looked like they'd been sculpted from porcelain bubbled to the surface of his thoughts.

He repressed those thoughts.  _No. Not tonight._

In his mind's eye, he could see his classmate smiling wryly at him from behind his long lashes.

Hajime could almost imagine what Komaeda would say if he knew.

  _Really, Hinata-kun?_ His friend would muse.  _Thinking about me? During an anxiety attack? You must be seriously whipped._

Truth be told, Hajime was. Not that he'd admit that to anyone, least of all himself.

 _Aww, Hinata-kun._ His inner Komaeda frowned.  _It's not your fault you're in love with me._

Focusing the rest of his mental energy on the task, Hajime blocked that thought out. He was not in love with anyone, especially not Nagito Komaeda. 

Another series of pictures appeared in his mind. Komaeda, lying in the grass in front of school with a book in hand. One of his other friends smacking Komaeda upside the head for making yet another self-depreciating comment as Hajime had been so often tempted to do himself.

Then the images were replaced. Headlines describing casualties of hate crimes. Coverage on the news, and comments on posts.

_Life in general is already so dangerous, why make it worse? There are billions _of girls in the world, why none of them?__

Before high school, he'd never been in love with a boy. Sure, he'd had one or two bizzare dreams, but nothing sexual. 

Komaeda had changed all if that. There was just something about him...

_Something that makes you unable to decide._

_It's not like he'd even notice you like that._

_Even if he did, you'd just ruin it._

_You ruin everything._

 

Hajime rolled over again, and checked the clock. He wondered if anyone else was up at this hour before uneasily curling up into the fetal position to wait for morning.


End file.
